posted in Parenting
Parents can generally split their lives into two very distinct phases: Before kids, and after kids.
Before kids, I slept in on Sundays. After kids, I wake up at 5:30 a.m. with a 2-year-old’s foot jammed in my face.
Before kids, I ate dinner of off my plate at the dining room table. After kids, I eat the remains of their chicken nuggets off of their plates at the kitchen sink.
Before kids, I splurged on a cute new pair of suede booties. After kids, I splurge on car seats and industrial strength stain remover.
This very distinct division applies to holidays, too. Before kids, Thanksgiving was about gratitude, stretchy waistbands and avoiding awkward political discussions. After kids, it’s about gratitude, even stretchier waistbands and avoiding awkward political discussions – while begging your kids to at least try the turkey and asking them to please stop smearing handfuls of pumpkin pie on the dog.
Here is a look at how some of the funniest parents on Twitter are spending their Thanksgivings…
Thanksgiving, so your kid can reject multiple dishes instead of just one.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) November 23, 2017
“FINE, WHATEVER, WEAR THE DAMN POKEMON T-SHIRT”
How’s your Thanksgiving going?
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 23, 2017
7-year-old: I made a Christmas list.
Me: Today is about being thankful.
7: I’m thankful you’re going to buy me all this stuff.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2017
Thanksgiving Pro Tip:
Never eat any food offered to you by an adorable toddler relative. It might look like a cookie, or piece of candy, but it’s actually the flu.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 22, 2017
Me: Kids, we are having company tomorrow. I just cleaned the bathroom. Can we get all the pee in the toilet for the next 24 hours?
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) August 5, 2016
Who’s excited to watch their kid eat one roll and 8 black olives for Thanksgiving dinner?
— Valerie ❤️s Gravy (@ValeeGrrl) November 20, 2017
My kids tell me they love me but then they wake me up before dawn on weekends and holidays so something doesn’t add up.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 23, 2017
Make sure you bring a Kraft Mac & Cheese cup to Thanksgiving dinner so your kid will eat something.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 21, 2017
Thanksgiving is a day for indulgences, like locking the bathroom door so you can poop alone.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 23, 2017
“I’m grateful for my kids,” I’ll say tomorrow as I shake 4 off my leg under the table & 6 screams that mashed potatoes have touched his turkey.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) November 22, 2017
I love these, but I do have just one question: How on earth do you get your kid to eat black olives?!
Of course, there is one other way that Thanksgiving changed for me after I had my children: I had two very big reasons to be extra grateful.
Wishing you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving!
Images via: BabyCenter Photo Contest/tracy92 + + alyssa619 + AmyRaeN